Article written by Atifha Aftab, Family Solicitor
Divorce can be an emotional roller coaster, taking its toll in many facets. Parental alienation is a feeling many parents may have faced without knowing its name. It is one of the most damaging, affecting the emotional and psychological wellbeing of children and the alienated parent. In this article, we look at what it is, the traits and share some examples of parental alienation.
What is parental alienation?
Parental alienation is a term for attempting to turn a child against their parent. Parental alienation occurs when one parent, intentionally or unintentionally, manipulates a child to reject, fear or distance themselves from the other parent. This phenomenon can have lasting effects on family dynamics, and its implications are serious enough that it is increasingly being recognized in legal proceedings.
Parental alienation is a complex form of psychological manipulation. It typically involves one parent, referred to as the alienating parent, who influences the child to turn against the other parent, the targeted parent. The alienating parent may engage in behaviours such as badmouthing the targeted parent, limiting contact or creating an environment where the child feels compelled to side with one parent over the other. This can lead to the child experiencing confusion, guilt, and undue pressure to reject a parent who may have done nothing to warrant such treatment.
Causes of parental alienation
Several factors contribute to parental alienation, and it can arise from various situations:
- Emotional pain and resentment: the alienating parent may harbour intense anger or resentment toward the targeted parent, often stemming from feelings of betrayal, abandonment, or hurt caused during the relationship. This emotional pain can manifest in the desire to punish the other parent by turning the child against them.
- Power/control: in some cases, the alienating parent may seek to assert control over the situation by manipulating the child’s feelings. By alienating the child from the other parent, they may feel a sense of power and control, not only over the child but also over the ex-spouse.
- Fear of losing the child: the alienating parent may fear losing the child’s affection or custody. They may believe that by creating a stronger bond with the child, they can secure their position as the preferred or sole caregiver.
Effects on the child
The effects of parental alienation on a child can be profound. Children may experience emotional distress, depression, anxiety and confusion as they are forced to navigate conflicting loyalties. The alienation can also impair their ability to trust and form healthy relationships later in life. Additionally, children who are alienated from one parent may miss out on the emotional support and guidance that both parents can provide, leading to a skewed perception of family and love.
Addressing Parental Alienation
Addressing parental alienation requires a multifaceted approach. Therapy and counselling for both the child and parents can help repair the damaged relationship. Legal interventions, such as court-ordered parenting plans or supervised visitation, may be necessary to protect the child’s well-being. It’s crucial for parents to prioritize their children’s emotional health over their grievances with each other.
Examples of parental alienation
Typical behaviours include:
- Negative comments about the other parent;
- Blaming the other parent for their own feelings of loss;
- Encouraging disrespect or defiance towards the other parent;
- Being unable to separate their child’s needs from their own;
- Isolating, corrupting, exploiting or denying emotional responses to create a belief that the other parent is dangerous or untrustworthy; and
- Manipulating a child into unquestioning loyalty for one parent, to the detriment of the other.
Parental alienation is a serious issue that can have lasting effects on children and families. Recognising the signs and addressing the problem early on is essential to mitigating the damage and ensuring that children maintain healthy relationships with both parents.
To discuss the content of this article further or for advice on a particular family law matter, please feel free to email me or contact the team on 020 8858 6971.
In my next update, I will look at steps towards preventing parental alienation.